Thursday, April 15, 2010

We have a winner

As many of you have probably already heard and seen, I was involved in an interesting event this past weekend. Team Beer, one of our local bike racing teams, hosted a party/competition celebrating the grand re-opening of one of their sponsors. The event was called the Team Beer WaxOn WaxOff.

Team Beer asked for volunteers from several local teams. The idea was that each contestant would choose the extent of their sleekness (nothing above the neck) and let the professionals do what they do best. He who was deemed to have undergone the biggest transformation from caveman to smooth dolphinesque perfection wins. Pretty simple contest. The treatment was free for each contestant, but everything would be done in front of everyone attending.

I was the lucky nominee for Hup United. I tried to get another volunteer, but it was determined that I was the only logical choice. Lots of body hair, a minor celebrity in the Portland bike scene, and no one else wanted to do it.

So there I was, about to be waxed. I went in the second wave of waxees. Two of the first three contestants went all the way, getting everything from the neck down removed. So the only way for Hup United to conquer all was for me to take a big one for the team and become the most aerodynamic DS in history. And that is exactly what I did.

The crowd was stacked 3-4 deep around my waxing table. It took 2 professional waxers 1.5 hours to complete the process. At one point, two other waxers joined in to help out. Lots of pictures were taken, copious amounts of whiskey was consumed (both by yours truly and the rowdy crowd), scissors were needed to trim bits of hair before wax could be applied, women (and men) saw more intimate parts of my body than most people would be comfortable with, and fun was had by all (well, by most).

Yes, it hurt. No, I wouldn't do it again. But it was worth it. I now have a trophy naming me the Team Beer WaxOff Champion. And Hup United has been elevated once again to one of the best teams in Portland.

Enjoy the pictures. If you are on Facebook, there are more. But remember, once you've seen them, you can't unsee them.
Doing my best George Costanza pose.

Some lovely ladies had their way with me,
before the waxers had their way with me.

Yup, it feels just like it looks. Painful.

They gave me a stick to bite down on. I think
they just wanted me to stop swearing at them.

They had to remove quite a bit of hair
to make me the most aerodynamic DS in the world.

All done.

This is the next day, showing off my smooth
chest and belly and WaxOff Champion trophy.

22 comments:

velocb said...

You are a God! A hairless God but still. We bow down to you my brother. That was a lot of money on your tummy please tell me you kept it! That trophy kicks ass! Thanks for doing Hup proud!

DRjr said...

All that money was for the waxers. They were working for tips only. The waxing was done for free. What I had done would have cost about $300. They deserved every dollar left for them.

婷妏JereM_Wacker1217 said...
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婷妏 said...
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婉菁婉菁婉菁 said...
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Jbucky said...

nice work man, you did great.

Yash Katsumi said...

Why do you have a woman's nighty hanging on your wall?

CornDog said...

My oh my...You are one brave soul. One brave sleek smooth soul. Having never been waxed, I dare to ask...what was the worst part?

Doez said...

I am applauding you right now,that took guts!

JesseniaT_Orndorff1021 said...

你可以從外表的美來評論一朵花或一隻蝴蝶,但你不能這樣來評論一個人........................................

ParisH said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical...................................................

PabloDuda0若愛 said...

一沙一世界,一花一天堂,掌中握無限,剎那即永恆..................................................

宥妃 said...

我們唯一需要恐懼的事,是恐懼本身........................................

LoydD_Motter11嬌潔 said...

欣賞是一種美德~回應是最大的支持^^.............................................

DianneG_Conatser家銘 said...

死亡是悲哀的,但活得不快樂更悲哀。.........................

韋于倫成 said...

keep sharing with us, please....I will waiting your up date everyday!! Have a nice and relax day!........................................

易英易英 said...

無一事而不學,無一時而不學,無一處而不學。 ..................................................

廖淑凡 said...

Undertake no more than you can perform. ............................................................

fenfen said...

當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。...........................................................................

建月 said...

真是太有道理了~~我支持你~~~.................................................................

茹順茹順 said...

nice to know you, and glad to find such a good artical!......................................................................

俊坤戴 said...

一定要保持最佳狀況呦,加油!!!期待你發表的新文章!....................................................................